I think I may have PMT. I am not 100% sure - not got any tell tale cramps yet - but all other signs are there. Crying over nothing - check. Lashing out at people I care about for no good reason - check. Wanting to die because I simply don't see the point anymore - check.
The reason I am not 100% sure is because I never get PMT anymore. I have been on some form of contraception for the last - what - 13 years? So I have rarely had to deal with it. But I have had to stop taking the pill as Dr wants me to see if I lose any weight while I am not on it. She also wants me to go for blood tests again to check my hormone levels. She suspects I have Polycystic Ovaries, which would account for a hell of a lot of the symptoms I have been having. Still, all this is well and good, but here comes the fun part...the complete loss of emotional control I get when I have PMT.
Today I have managed to lash out a two different friends and upset and hurt them both FOR NO GOOD REASON. I read something wrong, read too much into something, lashed out and Bang! Two hurt, confused and angry friends. Not sure how I can fix it. Apologising doesn't really cut it when you have hurt someone and they have no idea why. Trouble is, PMT (if thats what it is) does make me worse, but just me being me, this happens anyway.
I always seem to be able to read into things completely the wrong way. If a negative can be taken from a conversation, comment, whatever, I will find it. Depression, self loathing, paranoia, lack of confidence - they are the reasons but I always feel like I am making an excuse. I know myself well enough to know I need to calm myself down and think things through instead of just reacting. I nearly always react inappropriately. But do I listen to myself? No. I lash out, lose friends. And no wonder.
